Capitalism, Socialism, and Communism in Three Minutes

First, telling me this is an oversimplification is not a counterargument. The “three minutes” part should have tipped you off. Second, I don’t really care about your counterargument. If you don’t like this, you have everywhere else to go. Mutter to yourself “what an idiot,” and go about your business. We'd all be a lot happier if we could remaster that skill.

Capitalism

Three men are standing in freezing weather. Bob has a coat, Fred and Joe do not. Bob is warm, Fred and Joe are cold.

Fred and Joe both realize they are cold, while Bob is warm. They ask Bob where he got his coat.

“I bought it at the store on the corner,” Bob replies. There are stores on each corner, each selling different coats of different qualities at different prices.

Fred and Joe go get jobs and make enough money to buy their own coats according to their preferred styles and how much money they made from working. All three are warm, not equally warm, perhaps, but Bob is still warm, and Fred and Joe are warmer than they started.

Socialism

Fred sees Bob with a coat and Joe without. This is unfair and plainly Bob’s fault.

“Look at Bob standing there all smug and warm while you freeze,” Fred tells Joe. “Elect me and you’ll be warm.” (and Fred yells, “FREE PALESTINE,” although that has nothing whatever to do with this topic)

Bob wants Joe to be warm, too, so he and Joe both vote for Fred, who, of course, votes for himself and is therefore unanimously elected. That’s called a “mandate.”

Once in power, Fred uses his mandate to take half of Bob’s coat and give it to Joe, keeping the sleeves for “administrative expenses.” No one is warm, but they are all more or less equally cold.

Communism

Joe decides he’s tired of being cold and declares himself to be in charge. Fred and Bob object, but Joe is armed, while Fred and Bob are not, so Joe is now in charge.

Joe takes Fred’s coat and keeps it for himself.

I don't agree with some Ayn Rand's stuff, but on this she was spot on. Socialism and Communism are different means to the same ends; a small number of people with vast control over the lives of others, most of the benefits accumulating at the top. Much modern enthusiasm for socialism is an alloy of ignorance and envy, but many claim to have studied history, even obtaining advanced degrees (not that that's saying much anymore, I have one myself). I simply don't understand the attraction of two systems that have repeatedly been shown to be demonstrably disastrous to anyone not in a position of power, and many who were!